I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
