I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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