you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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