Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
