i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
