She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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