We won't sleep together?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
