I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
