Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
