i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Someone shattered a urinal.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
