i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
