he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
