I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
