ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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