No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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