matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
