Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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