Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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