New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
