recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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