just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
