you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
