i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
