I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
