moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
