I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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