I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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