we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
