dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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