Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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