i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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