Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
