just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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