OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
