Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
