I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
