My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Houston, we have a blender
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
