The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
