I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Let's get the cat blown out
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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