Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
