I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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