i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
