Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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