I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
