Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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