I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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