Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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