If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
