I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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