I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
