Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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