Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
